Monday, November 9, 2015

Swimming Upstream

Note: This was originally composed sometime prior to August 2015. I saved the draft, but when I edited and updated it, the original date was deleted which makes me sad. At any rate this was my original "back to blogging" post. I didn't publish it at the time because I thought it was cheesy. I know this because I left myself a note at the end of the draft that said so. 

I've been thinking of blogging again for some time as a way to practice writing. I wanted to start a new blog rather than pick up with an old one, but until I decide on a direction, I'll stick with here. It has been so long that I feel very rusty so for now I'm just going to throw down some thoughts and see where they lead me.

A couple of metaphors have been stuck in my mind lately. Our garden is very overgrown with weeds. We've neglected it. Becca took some artsy pictures in it to put on her Instagram so even though it didn't provide a lot of vegetables, it did provide a weedy backdrop for her photo shoot.

So as I looked at our weed-filled garden, I thought how life is like a garden. It starts out with so much potential and so much expectation. We dream of a bountiful harvest. We have great expectations for our lives, too, dreams and goals that we hope to see fulfilled. Sometimes like weeds in a garden, stuff happens in life that prevent some of our dreams from even blossoming. Our lives gradually become so overgrown with busyness that the dreams of our youth are forgotten or choked out.

Having reached the age of the mid-life crisis, it seems very clear to me that lives should be lived deliberately, intentionally, on purpose. We rarely do that though. Oh, I'm sure some people do--the artists, poets maybe. Looking back, I wish I had. But we are bound by our principles, beliefs, mores and sometimes we choose a path that leads us further and further away from one of our dreams until it fades into the recesses of our soul where it languishes or lies dormant. Perhaps we pursue other goals. Perhaps we can's see the forest for the trees and let life just happen to us until we wake up one day and realize twenty years has passed and our dreams became moldy with time.

We can start living deliberately at any point in our lives. We may have to find new dreams to replace some of the old ones that are no longer accessible to us. We can start now. Immediately. We don't have to let another day pass in which we just drift with the current. Swim upstream. Like salmon. I want to be a salmon.


This and That

Oh, so much time has passed since the last blog post! My beloved little guinea pig has passed on. He was technically Bethany's, but I claimed him since I pretty much did everything involved with taking care of him. He was five years old. We moved Becca's hamster, Hammie #2, into Chico's spot in the laundry room. I found I missed Chico chattering at me whenever I walked in. Hammie #2 doesn't chatter. He's usually asleep, but I know he's there.

Bethany didn't get to go trick-or-treating this year. She was planning to go. She had ordered a penguin costume for Spirit Week at school and was going to use it for Halloween. But this year she didn't have anyone to go with, and she didn't want to go alone. I can understand that. It is more fun to go trick-or-treating with friends. Becca was going to go with her, but she had worked all day and was tired. In the end Bethany was sick anyway and didn't feel like going. At first she was a little disappointed that this might be her last time to go, but I reminded her that Becca was fifteen when she last went and that Bethany could plan to go next year.

Becca is working at the Farmhouse restaurant in Ellerslie which is where we've been telling her all along she should try to get a job. She only has to work Fridays and Saturdays, and it is fifteen minutes from our house. She still babysits occasionally. She is taking two college classes and trying to figure out what to do with her life after graduation this year. She actually suggested she might join the military! I certainly hope she doesn't go that route. Deep down, I don't think she means it.

Becca made a skirt completely by herself. She was very proud. It turned out nicely. She did a good job on the zipper, too, which can be tricky. She briefly considered fashion design as a career. I finished the buttons on the school skirt she made. Neither buttonhole maker on our machines was working properly. I had to come up with a creative solution which, surprisingly, I did. I don't usually think outside of the box, too well. In the end, hooks did the job, and I sewed the buttons on the front to look like buttonholes are there.

I haven't watched the news lately. I don't really know what is going on in the world currently except that, according to stuff I've seen on Facebook, the media are trying to drag Ben Carson through the mud. He's a strong contender for the Republican nomination for President. I'd vote for him in a heartbeat.

I recently found an old Christmas newsletter that I had sent out in 2008. I used to be pretty faithful about sending Christmas cards and newsletters to long-distance family and friends. I think Facebook has changed the Christmas card dynamic though because I stopped sending them and so did just about all my friends. We can keep up through Facebook throughout the year so  Christmas newsletter seems superfluous, I guess. They're a lot of work. Yet that old newsletter had things in it I had long forgotten about. It was my 2008 in a nutshell. In a way, I liked having a reason to recap my year. I'm sure I didn't include everything we did, but I included what the girls were doing, saying and learning which would otherwise be forgotten. The written word is powerful in a lot of ways, not least of which is capturing a memory or a little snapshot of our lives. Photographs are great, but words are indispensable.


Friday, September 4, 2015

And Almost a Week Later...

My husband's fiftieth birthday was last Sunday. We've been married almost 23 years. So much has happened in the world in that amount of time. And I hardly paid attention unless it directly affected me such as gas prices skyrocketing or bacon prices going up because of some pig disease, I think. Now egg prices are supposed to be higher though I can't remember why.

Actually though, I do give cursory attention to the news especially during the school year when I usually turn on the Today show in the morning. But when summer comes, I rarely watch the morning news. But it's 2015 so there's Google! I have current events at my fingertips if I need or want them. And there's always the old fashioned way of getting news--the newspaper. We live too far out to subscribe though, but I occasionally remember to pick one up at Cooper's if for no other reason than to line the guinea pig's cage.

Monday is Labor Day so that means no school! We aren't doing anything in particular on this holiday weekend except selling a sofa and chair. It's a nice leather sofa and chair, but Buddy found it uncomfortable. We wanted a sectional and found the perfect one at a consignment store. We bought it rather impulsively for us, but it was perfect except for the fact that it makes Buddy break out in red, itchy patches. We're stuck with it though so we'll have to figure something out. Currently our solution is to drape a sheet over it where Buddy sits. Not aesthetically pleasing but serviceable. To help pay for this almost perfect sofa, we decided to sell our leather sofa with its matching chair and ottoman. Bec and Beth aren't happy about that because the leather sofa is currently in our sewing and crafting room and they love to lounge on it in there as if it's there own private little den.

I asked Buddy how it felt to be fifty. He said not much different than 49, but suddenly he seems to be getting more mail from organizations like AARP. It hasn't damaged him emotionally, however. He takes it all in stride. I don't feel that we properly celebrated this momentous birthday of his, but I know him, and he didn't want a big shindig. We got him the shoes he wanted and took him to the restaurant of his choice, The Black Cow. Later that day I made him peach and cream cheese crepes which were quite good after I made a second batch of batter. The first batch was just...not right.

Refugees are pouring into Hungary from Syria. Hungary's government doesn't want them. I can't imagine wanting to escape my country so badly that I would risk my life to get out only to be turned away by another country. I hope I never have to imagine it. I hope my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren never have to imagine it. But it's very real for these Syrian refugees, and it's very sad. We are very blessed here in the United States even with all of its problems.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Sunday at 105 Juniper Trail

Honestly, I didn't want to get up and go to church today. I was so very tired. It is my own fault. I stayed up going through old homeschool stuff and reading old blog posts. It reinvigorated my desire to keep up with a blog, but it made me sad, too. My kids are no longer those little children putting on Christmas performances for the family or drawing pictures of Shem, Ham, and Japheth and their babies, "Bob," "Fred," and "Oop." I miss those days. They slipped by quickly and silently while I wasn't looking. I was warned when my children were little to treasure that time. I did for the most part. I certainly tried to be conscious of the brevity of their childhoods, but there were many, many times I wasn't because I was caught up in the busyness of daily life, or the stresses that inevitably come with children, family, life.

Becca said she didn't remember the Christmas performance they put on for Uncle Randy and Poppa. It was probably the first or second Christmas we were in this house. She didn't even remember that Uncle Randy had come for Christmas. Apparently, I video taped it. I'll have to see if I can find that video. Maybe it will jog our memories. I wonder how much happiness we forget.

We shouldn't live in the past. I don't think we should forget it either. It is the same concept behind studying history. We remember where we came from so that we can better understand where we are now and where we are going. I want to remember as much as possible about my past in case I forget everything someday. There are some things I'd like to forget of course. I guess we all have a few of those kinds of things in our past. Sometimes I wish I could remember every day of my life in detail like Marilu Henner supposedly can. It's called hyperthymesia. But then again, that may not be a good thing. Maybe it is better to forget some things even some good things.

My day in a nutshell:
*did not want to get out of bed, but we needed to go to church
*had difficulty staying awake in church
*wanted to talk to Andrea but kept getting interrupted by others; figured that was God's way of keeping me from gossiping
*ate lunch at Zaxby's in Midland with Buddy and Bethany (Becca spent the night with Rebekah Palmer)
*got home around 2:30 and immediately laid down and took a nap until about 4:30
*everyone fended for themselves for supper; I had dried cinnamon rolls with icing that made up for their dryness
*helped Becca with some SAT prep
*Beth made Rainbow Loom animals (her new obsession)
*Read the assignments for tomorrow's classes
*edited Becca's blog
*wrote a new blog post
*decided I should recap my day at the end of every blog post (or in my journal)
*realized that this recapping of my day, while of interest to me may be boring for anyone else reading this

Saturday, August 22, 2015

To Blog? Or not to Blog?

Four years! Four years since I posted something here. I just reread my previous posts. I stopped blogging because other things were more pressing and blogging took up time. So much life has happened since I stopped! My kids are practically grown. Becca is a senior! Bethany is almost 14! Time honestly and truly does seem to zip by faster than the speed of light. I had good reasons for stopping writing on this blog--spending time with my family, focusing on my job, keeping up with daily chores, etc. I had written a few posts back that when I was old, I was not going to look back and wish I had blogged more. Rather, I would be glad I spent that time with my family. After rereading my blog posts from as far back as 2008, I'm not so sure I would agree with that now.

Certainly, I would not trade time with my family for time blogging. I do, however, wish I had found time for both even in the midst of my busy life and even if my blog posts were just a few sentences about my day. Here's why. Reading through my old blog posts made me acutely aware of how much I had forgotten. Things I was sure I would remember, I had pushed to the farthest corners of my mind, to almost unreachable corners. But because I blogged about them, I was able to remember, even if rather hazily, those events which painted a picture of that time period in my life. It was a pleasant walk through a small portion of the gallery of my life and my family's. I liked being able to do that. Blogging allowed me to do that.

So, yes, blogging can take up time, precious time, but blogging gives back, too. I realized today that it gives back in spades.

I am tempted to wallow in regret that I did not keep up blogging as a way of keeping up with the growth and development of my children, the many things that they said and did that I have long forgotten, and daily events in my own life, or even current events. It's those little things that are precious and so many of those precious little things are gone with the wind now. They have vanished from my memory. I'll never get them back now.

However, I am not going to wallow in regret. Heaven knows I do that enough as it is. I will start anew and try to recapture memories as they surface and record them here. I am glad I keep journals for my girls. Although I go months without writing in them, I do try to jot down notes to transfer to journals later. But the little bits of paper on which I hurriedly jot notes accumulate and sometimes I forget to date them or write down who said what. Or they get lost. Blogging regularly would solve those pesky problems. Plus, I type much faster than I write.



Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Stepping Off the Edge of Perfect and Polished Into the Chasm of Random Uncertainty

I actually have some time to blog. Well, I could be grading papers but why when the room is quiet and the computer is beckoning? So now that I have time, I have no topic in mind. No topic that is polished and ready to type. So I decided to write the random stuff that pops into my head. I'm a little frightened already.

I have been reading, rereading mostly, Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh who was married to Charles Lindbergh. I've had the book a while. I am not sure where or when or why I bought the book. I do remember reading, perusing rather, a biography of Charles Lindbergh several years ago. Perhaps that prompted the interest in her book. At any rate, it is a lovely little book. I'm not sure what the original cover looked like (It was first published sometime in the fifties, I believe), but my paperback copy is a lovely light shade of turquoise with an embossed shell on the front. Like this. So, as I was reading through this I found myself thinking that this author apparently knew exactly how I would feel way before I was even born. There are tons of blog posts I could pull from this book, but for now I'll just say that I've been inspired. I've always loved the beach and even dreamed of having a small beach cottage someday for me and my family. Lindbergh apparently took some time (about 4 weeks, I think), leaving behind her five kids and husband, to escape to a little house off the coast of Florida to think and write. That is every writer's dream, I'm sure. Even back in the fifties she recognized the need for women (the book is primarily addressed to women) to take some time regularly to be alone, to center themselves, to be still. I think we all need this--time to process all of the junk life throws our way. I have a friend who seems to have a fear of any unscheduled time as if she is afraid of being alone with herself. I think people like this who call themselves "people persons" need quiet time more so than people like me who thrive on solitude. People like me will find solitude come hell or high water, but people like my friend have to make themselves find it. We all need to recognize our need to disengage from our daily routine and just be still and quiet. Jesus withdrew to pray and encouraged His disciples to "come apart and rest awhile" (Mark 6:31). Psalm 46 tells us to "be still and know" God.

Well, that's about as random as I'm going to get right now. And on second thought, my title is kind of presumptuous--as if I ever stood on the edge of perfect and polished! I can dream though.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Whiners, Occupiers, and Wal-mart Shoppers

I've got to stop complaining. I have kept thinking about what I wrote a couple of posts back about not liking my job. I sound like a whiner, and I'm too old for that. I don't always like my job, but who doesn't? The more I hear about the state of the country, the more I am thankful that my husband and I still do have jobs.

At any rate, since my dad is the only one presently reading this blog (and I'm totally okay with that), I think I owe him an apology for having to read my grumbling and complaining. So, I'm sorry, Dad. I will try to be more positive and uplifting.

Oh, who am I kidding? I probably won't be positive because I seem to only blog when something is bothering me, but I can try not to grumble about my trivial personal issues.

So, I guess I'll just grumble about current events though I can't say I stay too current on what's happening in the world. My own world occupies my immediate attention most of the time, but when I do have time to catch up on what's going on, I find myself discouraged and want to stick my head even further in the sand.

Take this Occupy Wall Street thing. It has me perplexed. I mean, I certainly don't claim to be any kind of economic expert. Far from it, but I'm not sure why they are occupying. Frankly, it sounds like a lot of grown ups acting like spoiled kids who aren't getting their fair share of the candy. But we all know life isn't fair. Now, some of those people may actually have legitimate concerns. However, from what I gather, most of them are upset that big corporations, banks, what-have-you are controlling this country. So, the Occupiers want big government instead? Is that what they are saying? How is that going to be any better. Are there greedy big corporations out there? Well, sure, but isn't it the big businesses that create jobs for the middle and even lower classes? How many people would be out of jobs if McDonald's closed up shop? I really wish I could get an objective opinion from both sides of the issue, but I don't think that's gonna happen.

I recently bought Halloween costumes for my kids to go trick-or-treating this year. (This really isn't a totally random topic change. I promise.) Originally, I was going to be all Martha Stewart and make my kids their costumes. I found patterns for $.99 at Jo Ann's, but when I went to buy the material and notions, I realized I was going to be spending a whole heck of a lot more than I wanteed to; plus, I was going to have to make it, too. Not only was it going to be expensive but also time consuming. This was just for one kid. My other kid hadn't yet decided what she wanted to be yet. To make a long story short, I happened to be in Wal-Mart with the kid who had set her heart on being Cleopatra. Sure, I told her, we'll look at the costumes, but we are not buying one. I ate those words in a hurry when we found the perfect Cleopatra costume with all the adornments, and it was on sale! Later I took my other kid back who found a ladybug costume that she liked. (She's 13. It's her last year of trick-or-treating, and she wants to be a ladybug. I didn't see that coming at all.) Plus, it was on sale, too. Woohoo! All said and done, I got two costumes that I do not have to make for a lot less than it would have cost me to buy all of the stuff to make one. Granted I could have spent no money and let my kids figure something out for themselves as a friend of mine is doing, but that's not me. Anyway, I came away from the whole experience in praise of cheap Chinese manufacturing--I, who used to be so critical of Wal-Mart. (Okay, I still am on some points but I'll save that for another post.) Oh, I didn't mention that I had already bought material from Jo Ann's to make the cleopatra costume when I came across the one at Wal-Mart? Well, since Jo Ann's is one of those big box chain craft stores, I was able to return it (unused, of course) for a full refund. Not too many mom and pop stores can offer that kind of service, unfortunately.

My point being that I think many of these people opposed to big business, opposed to capitalism, etc. would not be really happy with the results should their ideology be put into practice. We enjoy a lot of customer service benefits at these big box stores. Now, not being of any kind of business or economic intelligence, I may be completely off base as to what these occupiers of Wall Street really mean. Based on what I have read and heard and my own experience, I can't say as I'm very sympathetic to them right now. I would invite someone to try to convince me otherwise. I am always open to enlightenment.