Dusting off my Enthusiasm

Once again, I am back in the teaching saddle. At the end of every school year that I have taught, I walk out of the classroom vowing never to come back. It doesn't help to be married to the principal of a small private school that every few years seems to be in need of an English teacher. I am teaching one upper level class although my husband attempted to convince me to teach two classes by promising me trips to England and Europe. Despite my desperate longing to travel abroad, I prefer my sanity in tact. Teaching more than one class would not be conducive to my staying sane. Not at this season of my life.

Now, lest someone think that I abhor teaching, let me just say that I find it immensely stimulating to be teaching the class that I have this year. It is the equivalent of an AP English class, and the students are for the most part up to the challenge. I am having to "hold their hands" so to speak through some of the novels we've done so far, but they are getting the hang of analyzing literature. I am looking forward to all of the literature we will be studying. I should. I hand picked each selection, but there's the rub. I'm having to create my own curriculum which is challenging and stimulating but immensely exhausting at times especially when I'm writing my own study guides. All in a day's work, I suppose.

I don't mean to gripe. Well, I do sort of, but to end on a positive note, I will say that teaching again has made me realize just how far I've come as a teacher. Now I'm bragging it seems. It's true though. I remember all too clearly my first year of teaching. In fact, I wrote my own narrative essay about it as an example for my English class. They never actually saw my essay though I did intend to share it with them. Crafting a decent essay received priority class time and my little composition got pushed to the back of my notebook.

At any rate, when I reread what I wrote, I find it curious that even though I've sworn off teaching numerous times, I always wind up doing it again and again and again. Each time I'm stretched a bit more. Indeed, I have come a long way as a teacher. I've learned a lot over the past seventeen years. That's as it should be. I've known very few naturally gifted teachers. Most teachers do have to have their idealism tempered at some point. Unfortunately, enthusiasm many times gets caught in the crossfire as was my case. I happened to be tried in the fire my first year, but so much the better. How much more time I had to grow as an educator before any disillusionment could permanently set in. Enthusiasm can regain its initial momentum, but disillusionment is much harder to treat. I have been on the brink of disillusionment since my first year, and at times I wanted to fling myself head first into the abyss. Each time someone always yanks me back and sets me in the direction of a classroom.

Seventeen years have passed since I walked into my first classroom. Maybe it's time to dust off my enthusiasm and embrace the teacher within.